It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
