Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
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I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
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But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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