no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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