I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
