either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
