there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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