Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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