So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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