Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
