I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
