I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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