How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
