Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
