I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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