he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
