Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
