butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
