i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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