Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
