Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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