What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
