I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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