Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
