Ambien. No doubt about it.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
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i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
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You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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