dude i'm inner monologue high
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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