You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
