Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It's never too late to be topless.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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