i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
