dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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