I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
