apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
