Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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