when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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