Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Rumble strips road head = magical
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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