She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
