In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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