Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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