I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
