Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
