Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
