just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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