Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
