do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
