yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
