Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
