i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
