sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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