The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
