i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
