I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
