my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
