I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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