Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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