Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
