You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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