she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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