on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
