I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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