I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
