I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
