I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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