South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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