I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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