I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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