my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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