I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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