oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
