opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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