she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
