Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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