You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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