He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
