The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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